As everybody knows – Dioramas Kick Ass! Those awesome little cardboard boxes detailed with globs of glue and faded construction paper that make history just jump to life! And do you know what kinds of Dioramas Kick the most Ass? Why ones about the History of Oregon, of course!!

As we related in last year’s contest:

You made them in Mrs. Dingleberry’s 5th grade American History class. You saw them at that Crappy County Historical Society your Dad drug you to on that one summer road trip. And you envied Suzie Snotgrass’s winning science faire entry of Tranquility Base (bitch!).

NOW Vengeance can be yours, Dear Ass Kicker! www.orhstory.com is announcing our  Kick Ass Oregon History Diorama Contest!!!

So let’s break it down: make a diorama depicting a Kick Ass Oregon Historical event. Take some pictures. Email them to us by Oregon’s Birthday February 14th. We we announce the winner at our February 19th Stumptown Stories show at The Jack London Bar (4th and Alder, 529 SW 4th Ave Portland). Bask in fame and glory and gain a whole gang of fourth grades who HATE YOU and constantly sing-song “my diorama was better than yours” each and everytime they see you at Freddies. Oh – AAANNDD win some prizes!!

Dioramas will be judged on 4 categories, each worth 10 points (40 points total)

1) Kick Ass-ness

2) Oregon Historical Significance

3) Originality

4) Ass Kicken-ness!

AND – Earn a BONUS 5 Points by bringing your diorama to the Jack London show on February 19th at 7:30pm!

The prize? A Complimentary Guest Pass to an upcoming Kick Ass Oregon History Tour!!! AND Internet Fame AND the panache to tell Suzie Snotgrass at the 15th Reunion, “Oh shut your trap, Bitch!”

SO get to cutting and gluing! And email those pics to oregonhistorian@gmail.com (feel free to drop a few dirty ones in there too if you wish…)

Dioramas Kick Ass!!!

It’s one of those Goddamned Shanghai Tunnels!

And the most Kick Ass Diorama of 2012, “The Wolf Creek Tavern” by Darcy and Holly!!!!